Cardinal Timothy Dolan, Cardinal James Gibbons and the Virtue of Courtesy

National Catholic Register, 5 February 2026

How many souls have been impressed, amused, uplifted and comforted by priests exercising this common practice?

Cardinals, calls, cards, chairs — and courtesy. All come to mind as Cardinal Timothy Dolan takes leave of his cathedral in New York. Amid the grand ceremony, the virtue of courtesy should not be overlooked.

Today is Cardinal Dolan’s last day as “apostolic administrator” of the Archdiocese of New York, a title he has held since he retired as archbishop in December. Tomorrow, Archbishop Ronald Hicks will be installed the new archbishop.

After nearly 17 years of Sunday Masses at St. Patrick’s Cathedral — “America’s parish church,” as he calls it — Cardinal Dolan offered his final one this past Sunday. A “cathedral” gets its name from being the home of the bishop’s “cathedra” or liturgical chair. Cardinal Dolan usually sits on the cathedra. On Sunday, he spoke to it.

“I want to bid farewell to this great piece of furniture,” he said after the final prayer. “My dear cathedra, I am going to miss you! And listen, please be as comfortable for Archbishop Hicks, who’s going to plop down into you this coming Friday, as you have been to me.”

“I’ll miss you,” he said, giving the top of it an affectionate pat.

I have written about Cardinal Dolan in these pages when he was appointed to New York and upon his retirement, principally celebrating his excellence as a preacher of the Gospel and teacher of the faith.

George Weigel reflected this week on his good friend’s service and mentioned that out on the streets of New York, he rarely went a few steps without pausing — “virtually everyone we passed along the way wanted to greet the archbishop, share a story, thank him for this or that, or just say hello.”

It has not been much commented upon, but Cardinal Dolan was a model of courtesy — a virtue much needed in today’s combative culture and a measure of personal kindness in a time of impersonal digital encounters.

St. John Henry Newman, the most recent doctor of the Church, wrote a famous passage about what it means to be a gentleman.

Newman compared the true gentleman to the “comforts” of “an easy chair or a good fire.”

“The true gentleman in like manner carefully avoids whatever may cause a jar or a jolt in the minds of those with whom he is cast … his great concern being to make everyone at their ease and at home,” Newman continued. “From a long-sighted prudence, he observes the maxim of the ancient sage, that we should ever conduct ourselves towards our enemy as if he were one day to be our friend.”

When Newman used the image of a comfortable chair, he did not have an episcopal cathedra in mind. But why not? Gentlemanly courtesy goes a long way in priestly ministry. Conversely, how many distance themselves from Christ and the Church because a priest was unkind, or rude or dismissive?

When Cardinal Dolan speaks of his cathedra being comfortable, it is a mark of his ministry. Life brings challenges, and the faith brings sufferings, so a measure of comfort here and there is welcome. He made others comfortable, noticed them, welcomed them — and greeted them.

Two days before his final Mass at St. Patrick’s, my parents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. The day before that, a handwritten Epiphany card arrived congratulating them, sent from Rome while Cardinal Dolan was there for the consistory of cardinals. He took the time amid those busy days to remember my parents. On the day itself, he called them on the phone to congratulate them.

My mother had spoken to him over the years. He called when she was having surgery and when my sister was ill. When my parents were in New York a few months after their 50th wedding anniversary, he invited them to dinner and sat them at his right and his left — on Holy Thursday, surrounded by all the bishops and priests at his table that night.

Amid Cardinal Newman’s papers are thousands upon thousands of letters, some treating weighty matters, but many more exhibiting the refined courtesy of a great man who made himself available to everyone.

For Cardinal Dolan too, there were literally thousands of such cards written, calls made and invitations issued over his nearly-50-year priesthood. Even as his responsibilities increased, and the pressures of being in New York were formidable, Cardinal Dolan did not abandon that lifelong practice of the great priestly virtue of courtesy.

When I was in the seminary, Dolan gave a noted rector’s conference on courtesy — not as important as Eucharistic devotion or theological study, but nevertheless essential in the life of a priest, as it is more commonly exercised, for priests have innumerable occasions each day to be courteous.

Courtesy, he taught us, is rooted in recognizing that both I and every other person is made in the image of God and worthy of respect. Respect is more than a smile, a polite greeting, a kind word, but it begins there.

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